Weekend at the White House

While I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day, the people I know who definitely didn’t enjoy the long weekend was everyone working in the West Wing. For days now, a mountain of rumors has flooded political discourse, where is Donald Trump and is he suffering from a string of mini-strokes. This silence is the longest he’s gone dark since he walked down his golden escalator in 2015.

I was really hesitant to draw anything about this since evil men have a weird habit of living much longer than normal humans, ie Henry Kissinger. But this time, too much is happening all at once that is perking my ears up. The weirdness is piling up, and the questions are getting harder to ignore.

Let’s walk through it:

• Why is J.D. Vance suddenly floating talk about stepping in as president?

• Why did Melania visit Walter Reed with no press, no photos, no pool reporters--nothing? That’s not how First Lady events usually work.

• Why is Trump wearing the exact same outfit in every photo the White House released of him “playing golf”--even though he clearly isn’t playing?

• What’s going on with his hands?

• What’s with the sagging side of his face?

• Why does he drag one foot when he walks?

• Why is the press being kept so far away from him?

• Why couldn’t he walk in a straight line at his last appearance?

• And seriously--what’s up with his swollen ankles?

Something’s wrong. That much is obvious. What, exactly, is wrong? That’s the million-dollar question. And we need an answer as soon as possible.